I released my dream so to poison you…

Hello readers,

I guess this would be part 3 of shadow’s stories and her new chapter of dreams.All i can say is hope you guys enjoy and see you around!

“The following days were tricky on her heart . But while she continued this journey of emotions she realized why she hidden all of them along with butterflies in a deep poison.

As days were going on she met the coffee guy almost every day at the same time with the same reason. To buy coffee and chit chat of their daily routine.

Captivated by his voice, by the stories and lifestyle she forgot to keep her toes on the ground and felt in the pool of emotions from which she remembered suddenly that the only friend she will grab the hand of will be disappointment.

Tragic, too much drama you my dear reader might say, but you know good dreams always ran away and leave space to nightmares. And maybe shadow’s fault was mostly that she let herself go into this dream long before realizing that her soul was dragged by this devil into the world of spells. 

As she was grabbing the hand of disappointment and her inner voice was pouring poison to her guts, the coffee guy showed his innocent mistakes to her like a freshly opened book and explained her that he was long ago caught in another dream from where he wasn’t yet released and for which he still carries the seal till one day that key would be fallen to the right hands.

Since he already started to trust her, he explained later on that his true intentions were for the moment to bring unhappiness to all that he will meet till that day and she wasn’t the exception to the rule.

But as disappointment started holding her hand, less she would see that hope grabbed the other hand…And as she quits on this dream, less she would know that other surprise was meant to kick at her door…

To be continued…

Friends will be friends…

Dear all,

 

Today i dedicate this post to all the people that i have met in my abroad experience or that i have left behind when i decided to go for it. When you have to leave your country, the most difficult part is that you loose most of your home friends or it gets more difficult to actually be part of their life. You take your luggage and you go, you walk that door that opens for you and you leave it open for those that care enough to still be there for you in need. It is hard, you stop talking, you have arguments, you start seeing them different. They will not understand the changes you encounter, you will not  understand the changes that they will go through and then one day you will think if you ever have been friends or it was just an illusion. And then time passes by ,you find other people to bound with and you create a whole new life with new people to call friends, with new life routines and you start feeling like home and that door you once left open slowly closes and then the only  ones that manage to squeeze through it are just the strong friends.

And you look around yourself in your new life and you start questioning the new friendships. Are they better, What happened? I was different back then you will answer and you stay with the new people till you realize that some of them will leave you when you need them most or that you actually never had something in common and they were the illusion you were living it. And that is normal abroad is more difficult, different cultures, different challenges it gets harder to know what you need, what you want and then you think how much easier was back in the old good times.

And then you grow older and you feel the need to change again. You think you don’t fit in the environment you have created, something is going on with you and you feel like you are rejected. And then you reject in return because you fear , you are distracted you are challenged by your needs and emotions for something more and you don’ know what is that something more. And they will not understand , and you will ask yourself who will actually will? And then you go back in your thoughts and search with your mind the people that would actually do and you will get your answer: The people that will understand all your changes and rejections, all your mood swings and life drama are those that have been supportive all the time , you have never been talking with them that much because you were in your dramatic life and you have put a distance to protect them from you and then you came back to life and they helped you to bloom and that my friend is those that managed to see the real you, abroad or not.

I have fears , i have been changing , i have done stupid things that costed friendships and then i gained others but i have never stopped looking back to see if through that door i have left opened someone has dared to follow me in my most crazy adventure and life. And then i realized they have dared to join me because they have seen past me and not the shallow shell i have been hiding in and that my friends made me today be thankful for all the support.

Now dear readers, if you ever lost a friendship because of your life drama and changes than accept it because through that door you leave always open those that pass it are the real survivors and think that the same thing happens with you. Some people let their door open for you and is up to you to see it and pass it and go even beyond your limits for a true friendship.

With these being said i end this post today and i say thank you to all that i had the chance to meet no matter if we are still friends or not, i say thank you to all that have been passing to my life as everyone has influenced the person i am today and i am grateful for that.

 

An European student in an European country…

Dear readers,

Tonight i am more reflecting about how it is to be actually a foreign student in a European country. I want to specify that this post is based on personal experience and is meant to be as a moral support to my closest friend ever that she feels a bit lost in her very first experience abroad. So I will continue this article as a letter to her so she will feel better hopefully after and I hope that by the end of it some other people that felt the same or go through similar situations know they are not alone.

My dearest friend,

You went away for the first time and you already feel dragged in the world of cultural shock so here I am since physically I can’t be next to you for the moment. Let me tell you how it was my first time I left Romania to my longest adventure till now Denmark. I still remember it was 27 august when I reached Aalborg and for the usual Danish weather was really sunny. My parents brought me in and left me there after 3 days. I think I have never felt more alone in my whole life than in that day, when I realized that from now on I will be on my own in a new city, in a new country and for the first time in a dormitory. I went to university right after the first week of arrival and I started seeing these new faces that made no sense for me since I knew nobody among them. Nights were creepier and I even start losing weight since I wasn’t eating properly or sleeping at all. My first month I have been in a continue torment with the idea that I will never integrate or survive there. Night turn into insomnia parties in the kitchen working euphoric on first projects I got of which I never faced ever in my whole life since the educational level is at a different angle than ours back home, but compared to others I met in time I have never said no in adapting and challenging myself. After almost 2 months of unknown, insecurities and almost nobody to rely on I thought I would crash, but there it was two people that made me believe I truly grown up and helped me to raise from this world of uncertainty. I met my first friends with whom I still talk and whom are still close to my heart. But you see my dear friend it takes time and hope. Some people around the university started to disappear one by one some continued to be strong as the rest and finally we managed to survive our first year abroad.

We have faced integration in a new country, adaptation to different cultures, ups and downs, loneliness, new friendships, awkward cultures, strange behaviors, insomnia and the list could go on. Now I know you might feel like the whole world is crashing on you but never forget that is never as expected and is never easy to break in the rules of cultural shock.

As you know I had to face again stages of changes last year when I switched Aalborg with Chambery. And as the story of my life abroad was going on I still noticed changes in me, new steps of adaptations, same old fears coming back but this time overcoming them with what I learned from the most difficult time of my life.

I know I am not there and I know you need me, but as it always have been in these years since I am away from you I have never forgotten to be there next to you somehow. I miss you a lot and I hope that this letter to you to make you happier and realize that you are not as awkward that you might think, that everything is normal and it takes time to actually be able to be an European student in an European country. So now heads up and show me that you have the greatest adventure you always dreams of.

Well my dear readers, I know we all face changes at some point and we all have ups and down. I know as well that what we keep in our hearts is the hope and the strength that we can adapt a move on no matter that if we changed the country or not. So for of those that are abroad and have a hard time, think like I always did that you are never alone in these situations and they always will bring sun back on your roads.

Have a great start of the week my dear ones and enjoy your life adventure!

a student around the world

A night out with myself…

Dear readers,

What is the perfect night for a young lady that needs to get back to her high levels of energy than a hot shower with different aromas some candle lightning and soft music in the background?

Tonight is more of my contemplation night of all information I have gathered in all this week, starting from disappointments to high levels of excitement. The beginning of the week I resume it easily in the goodbye meeting in Foyer for the Erasmus students. As it happens usually in life friendships have been created, have been lost or tighten even more like a forever bound and each person took their path in life hopping one day we will meet again or never. Though my heart created a whole new space for these people is time to say one more time thank you for having the change in meeting them but as I learned from previous experiences set apart these memories let space for new ones but never let dust get on old ones. I wish to all great success and hope one day we will cross our paths one more time for gathering even more experiences.

This week was intense I can say that. I learned as well maybe on the half way that some people you believe you created a special bound with are the first to drag you in their world of lies. What I mean by this is that life is full of ups and downs and sometimes those down you never expect come from people least expected. But life has prepared me so many times that for the first time instead of having a heart full of a furious poison I just had the most beautiful smile on my face that warmed my blood and made me understand that what broke me once can never do it again.

The grand finale of the week I will end it with a really interesting experience that I had the chance to try out thanks maybe to the new path I have chosen when I decided to move to France. I am lucky to say that I have managed to listen to great successful people in Courchevel, a beautiful well known alpine ski resort in the French Alps. Besides the fact that luxury is at a high rate there I still feel wonderful for being able to find out how it is to work in such an inspiring environment! But for this part I believe is better if I prepare just a special article some other time as if I would have to explain now I will just keep writing without even knowing when to stop!

So my dear readers hope you all have a great weekend and hope to hear from you soon!

 

Upside down

Dear readers,

I have been always surprised by people, but this year i think i am more like never. Why i am saying this? Well lets see: maybe because when you suffer a disappointment in life you believe you have already met the supreme surprise of people behavior. I mean this is the fake impression that your little head is willing to provide you with so to feel more comfortable in facing the cruelty that life has prepare for you. No worries. I know that you always have to be prepared, however now more than never i am with my veins burning and in the search for pouring these venom in the glass and poison the soul that is making me so angry.

Well i know that religion teaches us to be more pacifist but in the case of mental torture i guess i am allowed to accept the sin of thinking bad as long as i am not willing to put in practice what i have specified no more than few rows before. OK! To make myself clear i will not poison anyone with the venom out of my veins as it is physically impossible.

I want to see how many of my readers encountered people in their life that gave they truly image and found out in time that this person is so fake that not even a small fly can’t enter in the surroundings as it will get gassed with fake perfume.

I am evil i know. Not necessarily evil, but more like bursting with anger as a volcano ready to scare a whole bunch of people as its getting ready to explode.I couldn’t say it better. Wow, i am much more surprised of myself as i am not even saying this because of an unhappy relationship. On the contrary, my disappointment comes this time from friendships. I am happy in my little world, but not as happy as i would wish as some people manage to be in my surroundings ruining what is left of my inner spiritual happiness.

Oh well, who said that some people grow up even after the age of 30, could say that one more time. I have seen generally in my life that our attitudes are based on how much we have experienced in life and how much we managed to grow up. I am not saying that a fully grown up is at my age, but the challenges that life made me face, bloomed the spirit in acting at least a bit more mature than most people will even thing, while other people maybe older than me give me the main feeling that some of us will never grow not even a brain.

I may get criticized by some of you, maybe friends or not as you would not agree with the fact that growing up is not a set by age but is a set by the experience. Some may have the belief that age is a major line in saying you are a grown up or not. After all we all get a driving license by age of 18, and an identity card by 14( age reference in Romania). I am not here to protest, i am just saying here things that made me change my mind.

It is really interesting how someone that you believe you know can turn 180 degrees around and look like you never met this person. Besides it can be considered rude that for the same person your friendship value grows bellow zero as a matter of saying, when others gloom around just because some are easier to manipulate. Again lets make myself more explicit as it might be difficult to be understood as i am a small tortured mind prisoner in a body of a so called internet writer than will never become successful.  Have you met any people that self esteem increase only when they are surrounded by people obviously inferior to their level, in order to induce  a small dose of happiness to their sad soul as they are able to control their little minds. Basically i am talking of a person able to have friends only in an induced environment were all the attention is refracted on them, as they are not looking for smart conversation, but just to small talks were the star in it can simply be them. Well my dear readers if you ever meet a person like this, let me announce you that they are the best at wearing the perfume called “Fake-stink”, being able to attract you in their aroma till they will drop you in a whole of disgusting crap, as i am not allowed to use inappropriate language.

So there you go my dear friends, when you are surrounded by people, smell their perfume before you get dragged in their books, as most of us don’t want just to become stories in an empty book, as most we would like to be the heroes in a best seller. Maybe my reflection from today are deep and too restrictive in comments, but what i am saying is just to let people know that you better watch your tail, most of the people will not disappoint you by being with you, they will disappoint you when you less expected.

 

When memories become alive…

Dear all,

I haven’t maybe wrote in a long time what i wanted, but lets say i was caught in some work that finished this Friday(note that this post was staying in my draft box for more than 3 months and you my dear reader will need to acknowledge the fact that most of this events are past as we just talk right now). I am proud of my university. This years event of International Day was a great success and as most would have expected i participated but not for the Romanian team but for Belgium. I guess most will question why? Well i don’t have an exact answer for it, but i know i could explain easier through the next story.

When i was 18 i have participated with my college at a competition which had set as a prize a trip to Belgium, Brussels. I remember still that we won and the trip took place 2 weeks after my birthday party. It is stuck in my mind every single moment of that trip, as it was the first time when i ever took a plane in my life. Ever since i have been flying more than expected and planes became part of my life routine. We met back then early in the morning in the airport. I was dressed quite light for the weather that i would have had to face in Belgium. I was young and naive back then to be able to judge a proper way of dressing so to suit this country. I passed to the border, and the guy stops me and asks me why i have this passport with an old picture of me. I was a bit confused, it was still valid but it wasn’t looking like me. He saw my birthday was 2 weeks before and told me as a piece of advice that i should change it if i want to travel more. i got in the plane. It was extraordinary to be there. I remember still the emptiness in my stomach and all echoes in my empty brain. i couldn’t focus and i was just to scared to admit that i was afraid of this flight. I still recall somewhere in my mind the words i said back than when i landed in Brussels: “I will not even take the flight back to Romania. I will never ever step in a plane ever again!” I was still made and me and my friends from back then got lost in the airport. Well it wasn’t convenient to lose track of my team, but yeah maybe this is me and i will always be a bit clumsy.

In three days we snicked around and visited all we could for the time that we were allowed. Due to the fact that i was clumsy enough to take only spring cloths, of course i stopped by for a session of shopping in the big capital so as to buy more appropriate shoes for the wonderful minute change weather. Oh no, no, no, no worries everything went great. I loved everything i collected with that trip and another moment that is still stuck in my mind from all that trip is that my return home was the fastest flight and most chill ever, as me and my best friend felt asleep while listening to some good music and the teacher had to wake us up.

I could never see myself back there thinking that i could represent years later Belgium to a fair from the university. Though one thing is mysteriously stuck in my mind. What if you and me met already on the streets of Brussels  but we can’t remember and we didn’t even dared to pay attention. I am not of a much believer in coincidence but hell yeah this one is something that stays in the back of my eye, being played as a black and white movie where you pass the person you like on the street and you never know that they are that close to you and you can’t even possible notice. Now i am here in Denmark close to you still feeling strange that i might have passed you back in time and the wind of the time dropped us both in the same place just to annoy each other for who knows how long.

This is a post of which i care a lot,  it proves me that everything happens with a reason in life as the purpose is to find a valuable path, because people that are meant to be in your time and presence will be there somehow brought by these little red string that pulls us together if we are meant to meet. My dear friend never forget that if you are meant to meet with that person you will…and maybe you already met it or saw it is that this little red string isn’t yet pulling you together.

Belgium when i was 18

Till next time i send a hope of good joy to all my readers.

When you share your flat with crazy people…

Hi all!

Long time no see. Well guess what happened meanwhile with my student life in Denmark. Well i have recently graduated and got my Bachelor diploma and i still stay in the same flat as before with two crazy guys! Yeah, oh well i am not lying when i say this. This guys i have are the craziest experience you can get in Denmark when sharing a flat. I am still surprised that i am still alive after all this crazy events from the house. My memory is playing tricks on me and i can’t recall all the awkward events that took place in this house, or maybe is just too early for my brain to share the traumas. If i would really be able to write maybe i would say more, as currently my boyfriend takes over all the couch s as not to let me get ready with my post. Still getting a moment of freedom lets me some space in order to say what all my days are like in this new environment.

I do remember one of the nights when alcohol was more than just a friendly touch over them.I saw the kitchen turning into a field of war were the blood was turned into ketchup, dropped all over the place. The walls were screaming in pain and floors were covered by the miserable disgusting flavor of dust with aroma of food. But life is not a resume of how kitchen, bathroom or rooms look like after a night of lost alcoholic moments.

However, living with them is not only war and storm. It has its good sides as well of course. It is really nice how both tried to teach me how to bike, though this is one of the most annoying parts for me as i am never able to learn this. I managed once to sprinkle my ankle and guess what…luck is on my side. I actually managed the second time when i really had the guts to go over my fears and lean on the help of my friends. Bad idea i tell you. I had to stay again in bed for a week, the only difference was that this time i was a bit of a stubborn little child and i kept ignoring the pieces of advice of my boyfriend and i walked.  I can still feel a bit the pain after few months but i am glad that it wasn’t worse than this.

The most interesting and greatest moments for me was the deal we had back in December that each of us will cook for each other every Sunday. I felt that as being one of the moments that do reunite friends more than walking, talking, acting, playing or fooling around. I am grateful to say that i have learned more the nature of their character in those tinny little moments of dinner than actually other ups and downs from the house. Maybe i truly miss this moments of silence and closer up as it has been a while since we haven’t thought about it.

Overall it is nice to have to crazy flatmates and friends around. You feel like you don’t need anything more than a cup of tea, smiles and the joy they bring through their crazy moods.

I admit it was a torture for myself to survive the first months, however i have discovered that you are not a truly a survivor if you don’t actually  know how to adapt.

Ca me vexe…

Dear all,

Denmark makes me feel great when i wake up! Looking out how the air is cutting the joy of life with the grey looks and how all this depression is spread in all the city like a disease that is willing to take as many souls as possible. However, you wake up as a brave warrior  go to the kitchen and take your weapons to face the new day. Yes! The new day that is against you and you are against her, fair deal if you ask me. You start making a hot tea to melt the spades of hate of your enemy, for those that are stronger a coffee will do the work as well, and as you go deeper in the kitchen you make yourself a strong breakfast to be able to stab the clouds and make them feel the pain they give to you when the first minute of daylight appears. And then silence is here. Shhhh…There is something missing! The refresh shower in the morning to clean all the sweat of this useless daily fight and now you are ready to take your shields from the drawer and dream on by going to the door. And now you are ready for you new day. But what is whit this idea you may ask. For this i will give a simple answer. I woke up today thinking positive but my world turned upside down in few minutes and now i feel like an artist from France of which i have knowledge thanks to a great friend of mine. My day’s reflection for today is and will be: If i have to be a song i will be

Semester at the end

Dear all,

Its been a while since my last post but today i feel the start of the week with a bit of nostalgia. Why you may all wonder? Well is true that this is the last week of January…last week with exams for some or some already enjoy a bit of holidays till next semester starts. However…it was a great semester, that filled me up with memories …great memories and new friendships. As i always say…time is always bringing changes in your life…but memories will always stay deep in your heart or at least in a small part of your body hiding it and revealing them at your worst at least to cheer you up a bit.

This semester it was wonderful…more than expected for me after spending so much time in this country. Still i would like to thank everybody for letting me knowing them and i wish all of you that go away for the next semester great successes in life and hopefully i would be able to see you one day.

I can’t believe we got at the end and i hope that together we an make this last week as memorable as the whole semester. I am not saying goodbye i will just love to say see you as soon as possible. After all we never know were we will be carried by life and in which corners of the world we will end up.

Though is the start of the week i just wanted to let everybody know that if here in Aalborg is this atmosphere, due to 1 semester exchange is happening everywhere, i bet we are not the only nostalgic people. So this post if for all out there that feel the same as we do here.

Everyone have a wonderful start of the week and don’t forget to raise your glasses up for a new start and for an unforgettable time!

2011 in words

Dear all,

If i learned something important in life is that in each year you leave a place for improvement. 2011 was a great year for me. The start of the year was with a boost of energy, i have gained friendships, lost some others… went from an extreme to another…love vs. hate, happiness vs. sadness and why not from AP to BA :))

But this post is not a resume of 2011 actually. Is much more important. This post is a thank you for all the people that are part of my life and bare me the way i am:D I would like to thank everyone for bringing each of them knowledge in my life and memories and hope that everybody will have a nice Christmas next to family or friends and that everybody will receive the best present that they want.

I wish a great Christmas to my classmates, to my friends all over the world, to my friends in denmark, to my friends in Romania, to my readers…and if i missed anyone i apologies and wish the best also for you guys!

The next song is for you my dear ones with the mention that i do not own the video or the song:D